A dick in the mouth of democracy

While most of us were struggling to recover from, or still indulging in, the excesses of the stupid season, a ruling was made by the NSW Administrative Decisions Tribunal that all but flew under the radar. Indeed, if it wasn’t for Joe Hilderbrand’s article on the 27th, I probably wouldn’t have noticed at all.

The tribunal found in favour of the Catholic church’s argument that to disallow them to discriminate openly against homosexuals was in fact a form of discrimination against the church. One can only attempt to grasp the nature of this logic when one remembers that these people believe in a god who fathered himself so he could commit assisted suicide because some naked tart took the culinary advice of a talking snake. The only approximation to ‘Catholic logic’ that I can find in modern literature is Doulas Adams’ improbability drive, although that requires far less suspension of disbelief from the reader.

Of course it is no accident that the ruling of this fruitcake tribunal was released smack bang in the middle of the festive period, when most of us were still so inebriated we were struggling to remember the purpose of opposable digits. Any political reptile knows only too well that if you have unpopular news, you release it when nobody is looking. It’s the media equivalent of timing your fart to the sounding of the vuvuzela in the stand behind you. All power to the NSW government, though. Through a skill born of years of necessary practice they have elevated the sneaky fart into an art form par excellence. With almost zero reportage, the release disappeared like a drop of pubescent semen into the vat of cottage cheese that passes for the Christmas news cycle.

So, years of ballooning public sentiment and robust argument in favour of GLBT equality have finally been found to be an assault on the legal rights of the long-suffering and imminently vulnerable Catholic institution. Truly a day of celebration for persecuted multinational corporations everywhere. I can only say, in the revered words of the Virgin Mary, thank fuck for that. Now we can properly get down to business.

The obvious first step in further extending the security blanket of the law over the church’s emaciated metaphorical thighs is to remove the heavy bourdon of tax exemption from their operations. I get to pay taxes, and therefore feel empowered to take my place in political discourse, rather than being some parasite that merely leeches off the sweat of others and should rightly remain voiceless in the public debate. The law in its misguided benevolence accords the same right to our evil gay oppressors. Hell, even minors get to pay taxes, though we rightly tell them to shut up and go their room at voting time. Denying the church this basic right is a criminally negligent oversight that needs our lawmakers’ urgent intervention.

It follows that the church should be invited to participate in full public disclosure of all of its business dealings, as all publicly listed companies have the right to do. I own shares in the company I work for, so I (and anyone else who cares to look) have the right to see how my money is being spent. As every person who puts money in the collection plate on Sunday is a default shareholder, surely they should be afforded the same rights as me, both in seeing how their money is spent, and voting on key issues of direct impact on their investment. Also, in the same manner that we extend the protective hand of law over our indigenous kin in term of how they spend their income, we need to protect the church from the possibility of its own bad judgement. Imagine if it was found that the Catholic church had accidentally invested in pharmaceutical companies that manufacture birth control medicine, or (heaven forbid) munitions companies. How on Earth could the church reconcile that kind of negligence against its divine and unchanging tenets? We owe it to them to prevent them making that kind of mistake, and legislation is their only Earthly saviour.

Finally, now that the law has acknowledged the evil of promoting GLBT equality, everybody who supports said equality should recant their sinful ways by placing an absolute boycott on all dealings with Catholics, as it’s the only way to save them from inadvertent persecution. It is our responsibility to save them from endangering their immortal souls by unwittingly accepting our tainted lucre. Worse still is that they should unwittingly fund our illegal activism by paying for our goods and services. I humbly beseech any business owners who are illegally persecuting the Catholic church by supporting GLBT equality to come clean. Place a sign in your window to dissuade Catholics from entering. I suggest the sort of friendly language they relate to. Something like “Catholics who shop here will burn in hell for all eternity” should get the message across in a subtle fashion.

Personally, I am in awe of the wisdom of our state parliamentary committee system, which obviously surpasses archaic institutions like the High Court in its understanding of civil rights. I have always known the gay community to be oppressive, but up until December 27, 2010 I thought it was for making me listen to Kylie at house parties. I know better now. I pledge to do my part to rid the world of gay persecution of helpless Catholics. Do your part. They need you.


About Gibbot

Normal working Joe. Occasional musician and writer. Avid reader and political tragic. Humanist. View all posts by Gibbot

4 responses to “A dick in the mouth of democracy

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  • Mannie De Saxe

    I have just been given a copy of “The King’s Tribune” in which I read your article above – “A dick in the mouth of democracy”.

    You may be interested to read a book I have just finished and which has left me profoundly moved. It is called “Hell on the way to heaven” by Chrissie Foster and is a personal account of the sexual attacks on her two older daughters by the Catholic priest at the school her daughters attended.

    I have done a blog on it as my own personal review.

    If you haven’t read it, get it, sit down with a box of tissues and find out why religions need to be banned and/or at least taxed!

  • Gibbot

    Hi Mannie. Thanks for your comment.

    I’m aware of the book you speak of. In fact I have picked it up on a number of occasions, yet to date I’ve chosen not to buy it. My decision has been based far less on disinterest than concern for my own blood pressure.

    I’m not unfamiliar with the Catholic Church’s long history of criminality, exemplified by (but far from limited to) its worldwide, concerted campaign of child abuse. It just makes me too angry to think clearly.

    I’m sure you know of ‘The Case of the Pope’ by Geoffrey Robertson. It’s the must-read argument on the illegitimacy of the Vatican and its bogus claim of sovereignity – and as to why the Pope should face trial. It’s barely the size of a novella, yet it took me a month to read due to me constantly throwing it at the wall in disgust.

    I’ll take your suggestion and read “Hell On the Way to Heaven”, but I doubt I’ll thank you for it. It certainly won’t contribute to my happiness and well-being.


    • Mannie De Saxe

      Thanks for your feedback. I didn’t mean to upset you when I mentioned the book. It was merely your article and me having just finished the book and found it so moving.

      In fact I did a blog on my feelings and didn’t have the courage to send it to Chrissie, but a mutual friend told her about it and she read it and sent an email to thank me for what I had written, so I felt vindicated.

      My main anger in all of this is the fact that the government is unable to tax religious institutions because of the relationship between politicians and religion.

      If they taxed religions they wouldn’t need special levies to help the flood victims.

      Sorry about the upset – it was not intended.

      Best regards,


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